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Rogue One (2016)

A long time ago...

Rogue One

...I watched a movie called Star Wars (later to be known as Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope). And I kinda liked it. Well, really liked it. What am I saying. Shit. I'm a massive Star Wars fan.

So anyway. Star Wars movies have an opening crawl. It looks like this:

This is the line in the first Star Wars crawl that is the plot to Rogue One

So, I was confused.

I have no problem with a SW movie based on the rebels stealing the Death Star plans. I don't. Actually, for the first 'Anthology' movie, I thought it was a pretty good idea. A movie that wasn't directly connected to the core nine, but sort of familiar. Great plan. What was it that The Force Awakens was? Do it the same first, but different, before you do it different.


Then I watched it.

The movie starts in flashback to a period that I assume was in conjunction to the end (ish) of Episode 3. Okay. I can deal. Slightly different look. Okay. Good guys. Yep. Bad guys. Yep. Holy shit. They just murdered someone. On screen. That's...unusual. 

So, moving forward, that's sort of my main problem with the film. And I'll sum it up quite clearly:

Inexplicably linked to SW4ANH (if you will) is Rogue One. Rogue One is a depressing war movie where (spoilers) everyone dies for the greater good. And SW4ANH is a children's film. 

Don't get used to the cast. They die.

And while this is the biggest problem I had, I had others.

But let me clear this up. I want a dark Star Wars movie. I want Death Troopers. I mean really. I want adult SW. I want gangster SW. I was stoked for SW: Underworld. I want it. I want it all. And I want it now. But. SW (core nine) are children's films. Do dark, but don't do it there. 

Anyway. The other problems.

The direction and acting, the editing, they're all great. I can't flaw any of it. My problems come from story (and one other thing).

The opening 30 minutes of the movie is convoluted. Simple as that. It's unnecessary. 

Forest Whitaker's Saw Gerrera is a waste. I believe this comes down to the fateful after editing process - see Suicide Squad. But he's odd. The character makes no sense. 

Darth Vader sounds odd. I get it. James Earl Jones is older that last time he voiced him. But he needs to sound the same as he did in SW4.  He's also a super bad-ass force killing machine. Unlike in SW4. You'll notice that a lot of these problems come from SW4ANH being set the next day. 

But then there's the inclusion of Peter Cushing. Ethically, I have no problem with this. Visually, yes. Yes, I have a massive problem.  

Um....Peter Cushing?

It's uncanny valley.

So, no. Rogue One did not fulfill my Star Wars needs until the upcoming Last Jedi. Or, SW8TLJ. 

Come on Disney. Sort it out. 

I can't believe I have to give SW a three.

And I'm not putting a trailer up because half of the trailer wasn't in the film.

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